The Guitar Thing
I started to write a really long, contrived entry about the debacle involving my lost electric guitar, Blueballs.
There was more history behind it than I could ever cram into a small post, so it became an hour long essay that I made the mistake of not saving before my browser crashed. Go FireFox!
When I got halfway done with the second attempt, I realised a vast majority of the entry wasn’t really about the guitar anymore, and more about my psychotic ex-roommate in Boston and why I had to fly home instead of drive with all my stuff in the first place. There was an entire other segment about how I got the damn thing in the first place and I lost interest reading it, though I admit it is an exciting tale.
So I happened upon my wife’s blog and she summed it up well and fair. The following are her words and they get the point across far better than I ever could.
2. Michael made the mistake of shipping his guitar uninsured through UPS last year when he was moving back from Boston. UPS delivered everything else but the guitar was “lost or damaged.” When everything except the $1500 guitar gets delivered because it has been “lost or damaged,” what they’re actually telling you is that they fucking stole it. UPS’ policy when they “lose” (steal!) your stuff is, incidentally, to be totally unhelpful on a company-wide scale.
No, we won’t look for it. No, we won’t make an exception. No, we won’t let you talk to a manager. Oh, you’re filing a police report? Well, now you can talk to a manager. No, we can’t help you. All our lost and damaged stuff goes into a big fat fucking bin in the back, but we won’t look in it for you. Oh, by the way, we’re recording your conversation and didn’t tell you. Oh, you know that’s illegal? Uh — here’s the manager of the manager! No, I can’t help you either. Yes, as a company we’re fairly useless. We employ thiefs and take no investigative or disciplinary action against them. If you’re looking for a job and you enjoy theft, we may just be the company for you!
Et cetera and so on. But it’s okay! Because the guitar — completely unaltered, with all of its modifications, stickers, and the same fucking strings it was shipped with — went on sale on eBay last week! So Michael had the pleasure of buying his own motherfucking guitar back from a pawn-shop dealer on eBay. What can brown do to fuck you over?
Photo by Mike
God damn, she’s hot.
Mmm.
(I’m referring to my wife, though I know the guitar is hot as well)
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